Be Yourself

The world would like to change you; there are pressures all around. You must decide just who you are, then firmly hold your ground.
You have an ideal image of yourself, an ideal sense of you; and to this vision you must be true.
You know what you are good at, and you know where talents lie; but if you’re ruled by others, your uniqueness could pass by.
Remember, there is much to learn but all new things aren’t good. Wisdom lies in what you’ve learned and what you have withstood.
So be yourself and don’t allow the world to take control. Preserving your identity is life’s most precious goal.

-Bruce B. Wilmer

In all you do–business and personal–remember, “Who you are is good enough if only you would be it openly.” -Carl Rogers

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Do You Have Woo?

People with Woo love to network, connect to strangers, and “Win Others Over.”  One person I know with Woo was elected to be the event coordinator for a networking organization.  Another person with Woo shared, “I make friends with everybody, all my taxi drivers propose to me.”

If you have the Woo strength, follow these tips:

  1. Take responsibility to help people in new groups connect and feel at ease. You have the ability to lower people’s anxiety and mistrust.
  2. Be sure to choose work that gives you the opportunity to interact with a variety of people. You will become bored in isolation.
  3. Partner with someone who can help you build deeper long term relationships and not just superficial connections. Some people may think you are insincere if you don’t build a deeper relationship.

Would you like to discover your top five talents and strengths?

Call me at 903-819-0301 or email me at [email protected] and let’s discuss how to help you put your strengths and talents to work in your life.

Coaching Points:

  1. What are your strengths and talents?
  2. What are your family or work peers strengths?
  3. Who do you need to partner with to balance out your strengths?
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Big, Hairy, and Audacious

What’s your BHAG?

That’s the question my hero and personal development guru Jack Canfield asked me when I attended his Success Principles seminar.  It stands for Big Hairy Audacious Goal.

When you’re deciding on your personal BHAG, remember to make SMART goals.

Specific
Measurable
Action oriented
Realistic
Time focused

Here’s an example from a business owner coaching client.

I will land 6 new clients at $250 each by February 16th at 5 PM.

“The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex, overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one.” -Mark Twain

My coaching belief is that you also want to write goals for each category of life, not just your work. You can achieved all of your work goals and be very unfulfilled in the rest of your life. True success is bringing your life FULL CIRCLE.

Here is my amazing offer for you:

  • Giving you a worksheet to write all your goals.
  • Guiding you in writing your SMART goals.
  • Brainstorming with you to create action items.
  • Creating a 90 day plan to achieve your goals.
  • Coaching you through the entire process.
  • Unlimited face to face or telephone sessions for each month for your $250 dollar investment.

I only have 25 (45 minute sessions)available each week.  Call now to sign up 903-819-0301.

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Money Can’t Buy Me…

Can money buy happiness?

Every year, millions of people scurry to buy gifts on “Black Friday.”  Add a new shopping to the list of sales holidas–“Cyber Monday.”  The term comes from the hope of putting businesses back in the black.  Cyber Monday is the day when you can get the best deals for online shopping.

The holidays that spur sales like these are emotional times in terms of stress and happiness and people love to give and receive gifts.

We all know that money does not guarantee happiness but it can boost short term happiness.

Want 3 ideas to buy more happiness?

1. Buy experiences

According to Jim Harter in his book Well Being, experiential purchases produce two to three times more happiness than buying an item.  Would I rather get a new flat screen TV or a tee time paid for at Pebble Beach golf course?  Would my daughter rather get a music CD or tickets to a concert?  Would my wife rather get some new jewelry or a vacation to Italy? Okay, maybe that’s a toss up.  However, we both have incredible memories, stories, and experiences from the Italy Christmas and birthday trip I gave her a few years ago.

83% of people remember experiential gifts more than material possessions.  A while back, a friend of mine was taken to the World Series at the Ranger ballpark. He came back to our group and ecstatically said, “Boys I went to the World Series! And my son paid for it.”

For holidays or birthdays, think of experiences you could buy for your family and friends. Maybe a concert ticket, a dinner reservation, a cooking class, a ski vacation, or a train trip. What about a show, a wine tasting, or social event?  Or your experiential gift could be a transformational workshop, retreat, or a coaching package.

2. Buy for others

In an experiment people were given $5 or $20 and were to spend the money each day by 5 PM. They were randomly assigned to give to charity, buy a gift for someone else, or spend the money on themselves.  The people who spent the money on a charity or on someone else experienced more happiness than those who made purchases on themselves.  The essence of healthy retail therapy is not making a major purchase for yourself when you’re sad (66% regret their purchase) but buying for someone else.

3. Buy small indulgences

Many females take care of everyone else around them and are poor at self-care.  That’s why small indulgences such as manicures, pedicures, massages, and other spa treatments are boosters of happiness.  For men it could be paying for that extra valet parking, the shoe shine, outsourcing the Christmas lights or that high end bottle of wine or scotch.

Small indulgences help us live in the moment. Soaking up the here and now brings temporary relief and short term happiness.

This year, when the holidays roll around, give the gift of an experience that will make memories for a lifetime. Give to your favorite charity or a treasured person. Finally give yourself permission to splurge a little and soak up that happy moment. Then you will have oodles of happiness.

Here’s an idea for the next time you have to give a gift–buy a month experience of transformational life coaching with Brent for your family member, friend, or customer. Unlimited face to face or telephone sessions for a month make a great $250 dollar gift.

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Creating Winning Momentum

You can feel it. You can see it. You know when momentum shifts in the middle of a football game, when your business starts to jive, or when your marriage feels alive.

How do you create winning momentum in everyday life?

1. Momentum starts with writing goals.

Goals are dreams in black and white but they are merely wishes if not written down. They will fade and you will forget them if you don’t record them. Notice how when you want an important item at the grocery store, you don’t leave it to chance or memory–you write it down.

On this year’s grocery list for life, what do you want to be? What do you want to have? What do you want to do?

2. Momentum increases by reviewing goals.

Charles Coonradt says in his book, The Game of Work, “Written goals that are reviewed regularly become reality.” If you’re like me, you’ve got your grocery list in your hand and look at it constantly while you’re walking up and down the grocery aisle. When it comes to the grocery store of life, my habit is to have an hour of power first thing in the morning. I read and listen to my success script, strength affirmations, review my business plan, and my 90 day goals.During the day when I feel stuck or lost and losing momentum, I pull out my “grocery list” and review my goals. The more you review your goals, the greater momentum you produce.

3. Momentum produces massive action.

When a jet increases enough speed and momentum, it takes off into the wild blue yonder. It is in flight to it’s destination. When you’re at the grocery store and you find the item on your list, you pick it up, put into the cart, and buy it. That’s massive action. You cross a line through it. Done! What about your goal to double your income, take a dream vacation, or hire a life coach? Creating winning momentum requires writing your goals, reviewing your goals daily, and then taking massive action on your goals. It’s that simple.

So why don’t we do it?

Most of us lose focus. We need someone who reminds us of our goals and holds us accountable to take massive action.

That’s what I love to do for you…

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Dealing With Negativity

Let’s face it, sometimes people wig out.

It could be your teenager, your spouse, or possibly a team member you’re supervising. They can’t handle the no or the not so good news you had to spring on them. They have an emotional meltdown, ranting and spewing all the negatives of the situation.

While teaching a stress management workshop recently, one of the members came up with a brilliant strategy to handle people’s negativity and I think it will work with just about anyone.

1. Validate the person’s feelings

Go ahead and give them permission to feel angry, disgruntled, emotional or negative. If you argue with them about their feelings, you only make the feelings hotter.

2. Give a time limit to expressing negativity

Set a 15 minute time frame for spewing all their negative hostility. After 15 minutes, time for negativity is up. Set that clear boundary.

3. Give the positive behavior you want now

Whatever behavior or situation they’re angry about, give clear direction on what you expect. Share the positive behavior you want and then model it.

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3 Marriage Momentum Mistakes

If you’re doing these three things, you’re killing marriage momentum and increasing odds for divorce.

What are they and what can you do about them?

1. Spewing

Reckless words and nagging criticism that spew out of your mouth to your spouse can feel like stabbing them with a knife and hitting them on the head with a hammer. You say, “I didn’t mean it, I just said those words in anger.” But words pierce our soul and create wounds, hurt, anger, and eventually, hate.

Remember the boy that had an anger problem, saying hateful things all the time? His dad made him go hammer nails into the wood fence for punishment. After the boy was finished, the dad made him pull all the nails from the fence. The boy realized how destructive his words were when his dad said, “Son, that’s what mean words do. They leave holes in people.”

The solution is to learn self-control and share from the heart with tact. There are playful ways to get your point across without being sarcastic. It might be saying, “Rude” like Bon Qui Qui or “Kick me! Kick me! It would hurt less.”

2. Stuffing

Giving the silent treatment, turning a cold shoulder, or stuffing your feelings creates a cold war of indifference. This is sometimes called stonewalling and is just as deadly and destructive as spewing criticism. It’s true that holding your tongue is wise and it’s better to overlook an insult that act out but stuffing is usually a form of hurting your spouse in a passive aggressive way. Spouses who stuff thoughts and feelings need to understand they are feeding a relationship cancer with resentment, bitterness, and unforgiveness.

The danger is that you can grow apart by avoiding problems and both of you may begin to quit with an, “I don’t care attitude.” Doing nothing is the fastest way to create a divorce. The solution is to be courageous and realize that open rebuke is better than stuffing your feelings. Learning to give and receive repair attempts is a momentum builder for outrageous love.

3. Sexless

Sex is the thermometer of a marriage. If the marriage is cold there will be very little sex. If the marriage is hot there will be more sex. I know because I’ve been on both spectrums in 26 years of marriage. Women and men both want hot monogamy and making love even when you don’t want to will make your spouse worship the water you walk on.

Remember sex is more than intercourse. It’s frequent touching, tender words, playful banter, lustful looks, deep eye contact, slow foreplay and bursts of flirting. The solution is to keep the sex cooking. Why not have an emotional and physical affair with your spouse?

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How to Build Trust

We’ve all blown it. Maybe we got cold feet on a commitment, ran to our cave in fearful isolation, or forgot to follow through on our word. If you want outrageous success in business, leadership, or your most intimate personal relationships, you have to build trust and maintain a trusting relationship.

Trust is the software of success. If it is not properly installed and maintained the hardware will not work. No business, organization, leader, church, family or marriage will work without trust.

Here are 3 ways to build trust:

1. Show up with integrity

My dad told me the story of a man that visited his wife, who had Alzheimers, in the nursing home. Every week the man visited his wife and spent time with her, even though she could no longer recognize him or remember that he was her husband. A friend asked why the husband continued to visit the wife. He replied, “Because I recognize her.”

Now that’s showing up with integrity. Not because he had to but because he chose to.

If you want more trust, show up with an integrity that grows from a solid, mature character. Are you showing up with integrity in your personal and professional life?

2. Stand up with responsibility

Leaders and people who are defensive, point the finger, and blame others are secretly seen as untrustworthy. We might get mad at leaders when they make mistakes but we will also respect and trust leaders who stand up and accept responsibility for their mistakes. One of my coaching clients is a very successful business man who once said, “God created me with broad shoulders for a reason.”

If your marriage is empty, don’t blame your spouse. If your personal life is unhappy, don’t blame your parents. If your business is struggling, don’t blame your employees and the economy. Man up, stand up, and take responsibility for your success. Then and only then will people truly trust you.

Are you standing up with responsibility in your personal and professional life?


3. Speak up with accountability
Words hold the power of life and death. They can create or destroy. Our word is our bond. If what we say and what we do match with congruence, people will increasingly trust us. If we say one thing and do the opposite, people will mistrust us. Let your yes be yes and let your no be no. Say what you mean and mean what you say. People who talk in generalities confuse us. We doubt them and eventually don’t believe them. We don’t trust them and won’t buy from them.

My wife frequently reminds me not to exaggerate. I’ve started paying closer attention and correcting myself when sharing statistics, stories, and information so that it is more accurate. Speaking with accuracy speeds up the trust process. Being clear speeds up the trust process. Are you speaking up with accountability in your personal and professional life? Even when you blow it, you can spring forward, build trust and maintain trust by showing up with integrity, standing up with responsibility, and speaking up with accountability.

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Turn Your Strengths Into Affirmations

How can you turn your strengths into affirmations?

First, you want to discover your strengths. Write down the following two questions and let your mind randomly answer, then write down your first ten responses. This exercise will help you informally discover what you like versus what you don’t like.

I feel strong when…
I feel weak when…

Second, you want to label your strengths with a word. For example, “My top five strengths are…”

  1. Focus: My ability to stay on track with priorities.
  2. Individualization: My ability to relate and personalize.
  3. Achiever: My divine restlessness to be productive.
  4. Command: My ability to take charge.
  5. Competition: My will to win and be my best.

Maybe you’re saying to yourself, “I know what I’m good at but I don’t know what to call it.” If you want to leverage your strength, it’s important to get a handle on it with a word or label.

Third, you want to write and repeat your strength affirmations. Affirmations need to be written personally, with positivity, in the present tense, and with passion. Say them out loud three times in the morning when you first get up, throughout the day when you need encouragement, and at the end of the day before you go to bed.

To really build momentum, do this for thirty days straight without missing a day. You can even read and record them on your iPhone and listen to them when your driving.

Some examples of strength affirmations are…

  • I am clear and focused for maximum productivity.
  • I am winning my ideal clients daily with individualization.
  • I am achieving my goal of $25,000 or more a month.
  • I am breaking bottle necks and creating momentum with my command strength.
  • I am winning in love, work, and life with my competition strength.

Mina Au achieved her goal of skydiving, traveling to Europe, and landing her dream job by discovering her strengths in my coaching program.

It’s your turn. Discover your strengths, label your strengths, and write powerful affirmations to help create momentum for outrageous success.

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Slow Down, Simplify, Be Kind

What’s your life’s purpose?

Having a one sentence purpose statement can give you clarity to live each day.

Follow these 5 simple steps to craft your statement:

1. Sit

Sit in a quiet place and allow your mind to open up for spiritual guidance.  Ask, pray, and meditate on the question, “What is my unique purpose?”  Write down any words, images, phrases or sentences that come to your awareness.  Some people may get clarity in one sitting while others will need to do this exercise for several weeks.

2. Write

Write down two of your most dominant unique personal qualities. For example, words like creative, giving, courageous, empowering, etc.  If you are stuck, try these two techniques.  Ask three people who know you best to summarize the top two strengths or qualities you have.

Take the Strengths Finder 2.0 online assessment and discover your top five strengths.

3. State

Write down two ways you enjoy expressing these personal qualities when interacting with people.  My purpose statement uses the words speaking, coaching and creative resources.  Other ideas could be singing, writing, praying, giving, volunteering, etc.

4. Perfect

Write in present tense what a perfect world would look like to you.  Some examples are families would communicate deeply, businesses would donate 10% of their income, teenagers would find their perfect career, etc.

5. Combine

Combine all of these steps into a written single statement starting with, “My purpose is…

Here are some examples from well know people.

Naomi Judd: “Slow down. Simplify. Be kind.”
Mary Kay Cosmetics: “To give unlimited opportunity to women.”
Mahatma Gandhi: “I shall not fear anyone on earth. I shall fear only God. I shall not bear ill toward anyone. I shall not submit to injustice from anyone. I shall conquer untruth by truth.  And in resisting untruth, I shall put up with all suffering.”
Wal-Mart: “To give ordinary folk the chance to buy the same things as rich people.”
Walt Disney: “To make people happy.”

Coaching Points:

  1. What holds me back from writing my purpose statement?
  2. What is the next step to help me craft my purpose statement?
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