How to Handle Confrontation

 

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Your peer ambushes you on Monday morning as you walk into the office. In front of everyone she raises her voice in rage about the mess you left in the meeting room. You take responsibility and are glad to clean up the mess. However, the tirade continues with spewing, name calling, and threats.

The average employee will spend 2.8 days a week dealing with conflict. 25% of employees report that conflict leads to illness or absence from work.

How do you handle confrontation? Use CAREfrontation.

Connect
Assert
Resolve
Empower

Connect first. Create a “we” mentality. “We are on the same team.” Then, try the SOFTEN approach:

Smile
Open body language
Lean Forward
Touch appropriately
Eye contact
and Nod

Assert second. Being passive and hiding in a shell never got the turtle anywhere. Being aggressive like a shark only creates a blood bath. Being assertive like a wise owl creates a win-win-win–a win for you, the other person, and for the company. Being assertive is feeling your emotions and still being courageous.

Resolve third. Finding a resolution and fixing the problem will not work until you connect first and assert second. Resolution requires brainstorming and innovative thinking.

Empower fourth. The relationship, self esteem, and productivity of the company need encouragement. Each of us is human and makes mistakes. However, by empowering and believing in each other we can create momentum for outrageous success.

Brent O’Bannon creates momentum for outrageous success. He is known as America’s Momentum Coach for individuals, couples in business, and companies. For more information go to www.brentobannon.com and www.marriedtoyourboss.com.

Image: Liz Noffsinger / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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How to Build Trust

We’ve all blown it. Maybe we got cold feet on a commitment, ran to our cave in fearful isolation, or forgot to follow through on our word. If you want outrageous success in business, leadership, or your most intimate personal relationships, you have to build trust and maintain a trusting relationship.

Trust is the software of success. If it is not properly installed and maintained the hardware will not work. No business, organization, leader, church, family or marriage will work without trust.

Here are 3 ways to build trust:

1. Show up with integrity

My dad told me the story of a man that visited his wife, who had Alzheimers, in the nursing home. Every week the man visited his wife and spent time with her, even though she could no longer recognize him or remember that he was her husband. A friend asked why the husband continued to visit the wife. He replied, “Because I recognize her.”

Now that’s showing up with integrity. Not because he had to but because he chose to.

If you want more trust, show up with an integrity that grows from a solid, mature character. Are you showing up with integrity in your personal and professional life?

2. Stand up with responsibility

Leaders and people who are defensive, point the finger, and blame others are secretly seen as untrustworthy. We might get mad at leaders when they make mistakes but we will also respect and trust leaders who stand up and accept responsibility for their mistakes. One of my coaching clients is a very successful business man who once said, “God created me with broad shoulders for a reason.”

If your marriage is empty, don’t blame your spouse. If your personal life is unhappy, don’t blame your parents. If your business is struggling, don’t blame your employees and the economy. Man up, stand up, and take responsibility for your success. Then and only then will people truly trust you.

Are you standing up with responsibility in your personal and professional life?


3. Speak up with accountability
Words hold the power of life and death. They can create or destroy. Our word is our bond. If what we say and what we do match with congruence, people will increasingly trust us. If we say one thing and do the opposite, people will mistrust us. Let your yes be yes and let your no be no. Say what you mean and mean what you say. People who talk in generalities confuse us. We doubt them and eventually don’t believe them. We don’t trust them and won’t buy from them.

My wife frequently reminds me not to exaggerate. I’ve started paying closer attention and correcting myself when sharing statistics, stories, and information so that it is more accurate. Speaking with accuracy speeds up the trust process. Being clear speeds up the trust process. Are you speaking up with accountability in your personal and professional life? Even when you blow it, you can spring forward, build trust and maintain trust by showing up with integrity, standing up with responsibility, and speaking up with accountability.

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How to Serve Your Highest Purpose

Tennis has served me well since the first time I picked up a tennis racquet at 14. I instantly fell in love with the game and found life purpose.

You don’t have to play tennis to serve your highest purpose but I would like to share what I’ve learned from 30 years of tennis and how it can help you serve your highest purpose–using the word ACE.

37183v6c5okaypy1. Achieve

Tennis, other sports, and games challenge us to achieve. Personally, I started at the bottom of the tennis ladder but over the years I got off my bottom and climbed to the top. I achieved many goals in tennis, winning state, playing four years on a college scholarship, and being #1 in Texas in father-son doubles. The game taught me how to master techniques, how to score, and ultimately how to win in life.

You may not want to win in tennis but everyone has an innate desire to win and achieve in life. What do you want to achieve in life? Each week I write down what I want to achieve in the week. Then I go about my week crossing off the items I achieved. We each have a need to achieve. I’m challenging you to focus on getting clear about what you want to achieve, both long-term and short-term.

If you are an over-achiever, pay attention to the next point:

2. Connect

If you achieved your wildest dream and didn’t have anyone to celebrate with, what an empty feeling and pursuit it would be! Just like a tennis player has to keep their eye on the ball at all times to connect with the ball, increasing accuracy and power, each of us needs to watch our relationships daily to increase our purpose. Who do you need to connect with daily? Maybe it’s God, your spouse, kids, or your friends. Maybe at work it’s a colleague, customer, or prospect.

The game of tennis has given me the opportunity to connect with so many people. It’s the sharing, the bursts of laughter, and the friendly competition that thrills my heart when I play the game. Pick up the phone, go to lunch, and connect daily to serve your highest purpose.

Even if you achieve and connect there is still more. What is it?

3. Enjoy

Tennis is fun for me. After 30 years I still play tournaments and play on a tennis team in Dallas. It’s one way I enjoy myself. Enjoying life and experiencing happiness is another part of serving your highest purpose.

The Greater Catechism says, “The chief purpose of man is to love God and enjoy Him forever.”

How many people achieve and connect but don’t find time to enjoy life? What do you truly enjoy?  It doesn’t have to be big extravagant vacations–it could be playing words with friends, reading a book in the sunshine, or chasing your cat or your grandkids.

Are you too busy? Too serious minded? Do you believe play is frivolous? Lighten up and top off your day with some kind of enjoyment. If you achieve, connect, and enjoy each day you will serve your highest purpose.

Go ahead, ACE your day.

Brent O’Bannon creates momentum for outrageous success. He is known as America’s Momentum Coach for individuals, couples in business, and companies. For more information go to www.brentobannon.com and www.marriedtoyourboss.com.

Image: nixxphotography / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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The Gift of Evelyn

BrentsMomRecently, while visiting my mother in a nursing home, I witnessed the most amazing human experience. It was something extraordinary like out of the movie, The Green Mile. It reminded me how John Coffey used supernatural healing powers. (If you haven’t seen this movie, I would encourage you to grab it soon.)

Sadly, my mother has deteriorated in her physical health with a form of dementia and severe panic attacks. We can be talking about happy things and then, out of nowhere, her eyes open wide with fear, she starts shaking, and experiences horrific panic. Even with 20 years of experience counseling people with all kinds of mental health issues, treating your own mother in this state of mind is new territory for me.

So, during this last visit, when my mother experienced another panic attack, a woman named Evelyn walked over to her wheelchair. (Evelyn is a large, strong, gentle soul.) She placed her right arm around my mother’s back securely, then her left hand gently over my mom’s heart, and gazed into my mother’s eyes. With supernatural laser-like focus, she spoke with strength and peace to my mother’s heart and soul. “It’s okay, Patty. It’s okay,” she kept repeating. And each time she spoke it, calm began to appear. This continued for five minutes and my mother was gradually soothed and came back to her normal state of mind. During our hour visit this happened four times.

My wife and my eyes welled up with tears seeing the panic in my mom as well as with wonder and amazement at Evelyn’s gift.

I thanked Evelyn for helping my mom with her panic attacks.

Most of us don’t have the same gifts as Evelyn but we can learn from her how to handle a temper tantrum in a four year old, an irate customer or co-worker, or possibly an aging loved one. Evelyn also reminds us that life is a gift, as is love. What gift will you give someone today?

Brent O’Bannon creates momentum for outrageous success. He is known as America’s Momentum Coach for individuals, couples in business, and companies. For more information go to www.brentobannon.com and www.marriedtoyourboss.com.

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Turn Your Strengths Into Affirmations

How can you turn your strengths into affirmations?

First, you want to discover your strengths. Write down the following two questions and let your mind randomly answer, then write down your first ten responses. This exercise will help you informally discover what you like versus what you don’t like.

I feel strong when…
I feel weak when…

Second, you want to label your strengths with a word. For example, “My top five strengths are…”

  1. Focus: My ability to stay on track with priorities.
  2. Individualization: My ability to relate and personalize.
  3. Achiever: My divine restlessness to be productive.
  4. Command: My ability to take charge.
  5. Competition: My will to win and be my best.

Maybe you’re saying to yourself, “I know what I’m good at but I don’t know what to call it.” If you want to leverage your strength, it’s important to get a handle on it with a word or label.

Third, you want to write and repeat your strength affirmations. Affirmations need to be written personally, with positivity, in the present tense, and with passion. Say them out loud three times in the morning when you first get up, throughout the day when you need encouragement, and at the end of the day before you go to bed.

To really build momentum, do this for thirty days straight without missing a day. You can even read and record them on your iPhone and listen to them when your driving.

Some examples of strength affirmations are…

  • I am clear and focused for maximum productivity.
  • I am winning my ideal clients daily with individualization.
  • I am achieving my goal of $25,000 or more a month.
  • I am breaking bottle necks and creating momentum with my command strength.
  • I am winning in love, work, and life with my competition strength.

Mina Au achieved her goal of skydiving, traveling to Europe, and landing her dream job by discovering her strengths in my coaching program.

It’s your turn. Discover your strengths, label your strengths, and write powerful affirmations to help create momentum for outrageous success.

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Slow Down, Simplify, Be Kind

What’s your life’s purpose?

Having a one sentence purpose statement can give you clarity to live each day.

Follow these 5 simple steps to craft your statement:

1. Sit

Sit in a quiet place and allow your mind to open up for spiritual guidance.  Ask, pray, and meditate on the question, “What is my unique purpose?”  Write down any words, images, phrases or sentences that come to your awareness.  Some people may get clarity in one sitting while others will need to do this exercise for several weeks.

2. Write

Write down two of your most dominant unique personal qualities. For example, words like creative, giving, courageous, empowering, etc.  If you are stuck, try these two techniques.  Ask three people who know you best to summarize the top two strengths or qualities you have.

Take the Strengths Finder 2.0 online assessment and discover your top five strengths.

3. State

Write down two ways you enjoy expressing these personal qualities when interacting with people.  My purpose statement uses the words speaking, coaching and creative resources.  Other ideas could be singing, writing, praying, giving, volunteering, etc.

4. Perfect

Write in present tense what a perfect world would look like to you.  Some examples are families would communicate deeply, businesses would donate 10% of their income, teenagers would find their perfect career, etc.

5. Combine

Combine all of these steps into a written single statement starting with, “My purpose is…

Here are some examples from well know people.

Naomi Judd: “Slow down. Simplify. Be kind.”
Mary Kay Cosmetics: “To give unlimited opportunity to women.”
Mahatma Gandhi: “I shall not fear anyone on earth. I shall fear only God. I shall not bear ill toward anyone. I shall not submit to injustice from anyone. I shall conquer untruth by truth.  And in resisting untruth, I shall put up with all suffering.”
Wal-Mart: “To give ordinary folk the chance to buy the same things as rich people.”
Walt Disney: “To make people happy.”

Coaching Points:

  1. What holds me back from writing my purpose statement?
  2. What is the next step to help me craft my purpose statement?
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Dream Big: Get Off Your Rear

There are three kinds of people reading this blog: people with no dreams, people with little dreams, and people with BIG dreams.  Here’s my eighth and final strategy for BIG time success.

Discover what you want.
Release your strengths.
Energize your mind.
Adapt to challenges.
Make a dream team.

Be your best.
Invest 10,000 hours.
Get off your rear.

What is your BIG dream?  My 21-year-old son dreams of becoming a certified tennis professional who teaches tennis and owns his own tennis club.  One of my coaching clients wants to build a home for pregnant teens where they can be supported and mentored.  My brother and sister in law dream of writing and singing a top ten song.

Maybe your dream is to write a book, go back to school and get a degree, take a month vacation backpacking in Australia, or to take your family on a cruise to Alaska.

Let me share a secret–your dream will never happen until you get off your rear.

I demonstrated this principle with 300 kids this summer while speaking on how to DREAM big. I held up one of my books and said, “This book will help you make a million dollars. Who wants it?” They all raised their hands. “Who really wants it?” They started to yell and scream. “Seriously, who really WANTS this book?” They were now standing up–off their rear–and finally one person came running up to the stage and grabbed the book from my hand.

They got off their rear and acted. The law of attraction has the word act in it for a reason.

My son started school this year. He is off his rear and learning how to make his dream come true.

My coaching client has contacted the crisis pregnancy center and started her dream.

My brother and sister in law sold their house and moved to Austin to pursue their music dreams.

What are you going to do to kick start your big dream? You must be willing to act. You must be willing to get off your rear!

Coaching points:

  1. What is one specific action step to start the process of achieving your dream?
  2. Who can you share this action step with to hold yourself accountable?
  3. Hire Brent for success coaching to achieve your BIG dream.
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Dream Big: Time to Invest

There are three kinds of people reading this blog: people with no dreams, people with little dreams, and people with BIG dreams.  Here’s the seventh of my 8 success strategies.

Discover what you want.
Release your strengths.
Energize your mind.
Adapt to challenges.
Make a dream team.

Be your best.
Invest 10,000 hours.

What do the Beatles, Bill Gates, and Brent O’Bannon have in common?  You might be surprised.  We know it’s not money or world fame. Nope, it’s the 10,000 hour rule.

In the early 1960s, a study was conducted at Berlin’s elite Academy of Music by psychologist K. Anders Ericsson.  The study divided violinist into three groups: the stars (world class experts), the good, and average. Ericsson asked, “How many hours did you practice playing the violin?” All violinists started at the age of 5 and practiced the same amount. At age 8, big differences emerged and continued.  The result?  The average violinist practiced 4,000 hours, the good violinist 8,000 hours, and the star violinist 10,000 hours.

Neurologist, Daniel Levitin writes and confirms that 10,000 hours of practice is required to achieve world class expertise in anything.

To achieve your BIG dream, you need to invest the magic number of 10,000 hours.  The Beatles and Bill Gates achieved their music and computer dreams by investing 10,000 hours of practice.  Yours truly, Brent O’Bannon invested more than 10,000 hours of practice in tennis to become a State champion and collegiate level player. I’ve also invested more than 27,000 hours in coaching people to become America’s #1 Personal Life Coach.

For more in depth research on this topic, buy Malcom Gladwell’s book, Outliers: The Story of Success, and achieve your big dreams.

Coaching points:

  1. Have you truly put in the practice to achieve your big dream?
  2. Keep track of your practice until you get 10,000 hours.
  3. Hire Brent for success coaching to achieve your BIG dream.
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Dream Big: The Best That You Can Be

There are three kinds of people reading this blog: people with no dreams, people with little dreams, and people with BIG dreams. C’mon–dream big!  Check out #6 of my 8 success strategies.

Would you like to become a person who dreams big?

Discover what you want.
Release your strengths.
Energize your mind.
Adapt to challenges.
Make a dream team.

Be Your best.

Are you satisfied with a good job? Are you content with a good marriage? Are you truly fulfilled with an average life?

Big dreams are not achieved by being good but by being your best.  Notice I said “your best,” not necessarily “the best.”

How do you become your best? Simply put–habits, or, “aha bits.”  Bad habits produce negative lives. Good habits promote average lives. “Aha” bits allow us to create our best life.

Our worst habits include:

  • Skipping breakfast
  • Eating fast food
  • Not drinking enough water
  • Wasting time
  • Blowing off exercise
  • Vegging on TV and computer
  • Running late
  • Sleeping too little or too much
  • Spending more than we earn
  • Procrastination
  • Texting while driving
  • Smoking

You get the idea.

Here are three “aha” bits that help you become your best.

  1. Have a morning success routine. Get up early enough so that you’re not rushed. Read inspirational material, pray, meditate, read your success script, look at a vision board, and review your goals for the day. Then, eat a healthy breakfast, take your vitamins, drink plenty of water, exercise, and tackle the day with motivation.
  2. Focus on one task at a time. Research shows that we lose quality by attempting too many activities at one time. We have been duped into believing we can accomplish more by multitasking. If you are on the phone with someone, focus solely on them without scanning the computer, looking at your Facebook, or reading the newspaper. Habits are made out of “bits.” In the Guinness Book of World records there is a man that ate an entire bicycle one bite at a time. We need to break down each moment one task at a time.
  3. Create four new success habits a year. What if you created one positive habit each quarter of the year?  That is four habits a year and 20 new success habits in five years. For myself, I’m working on money habits with my wife and money coach. I’m focused on budgeting, paying myself first (investing), and giving to worthy causes. If you will learn four positive habits a year you will earn more money, enjoy loving relationships, be more healthy, achieve big dreams, and be your best.

Coaching points:

  1. Write down your worst habits.
  2. What four success habits do you need to start?
  3. What action steps do you need to change your habits?
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Dream Big: Who’s On Your Team?

There are three kinds of people reading this blog: people with no dreams, people with little dreams, and people with BIG dreams.  Here’s the fifth of my 8 success strategies to help you dream big.

Discover what you want.
Release your strengths.
Energize your mind.
Adapt to challenges.
Make a dream team.

Big dreams are not achieved alone. They are realized when we learn and lean on a team of experts.

Who could be on your dream team?

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Friends

Someone once said, “You are the average of your top five friends.” List the positive and negative qualities of your top five friends and notice the dreams they have accomplished. Would you be thrilled to have a life like your friends? If not, reach out and build healthy friendships. My daily success script reads, “I am blessed with exciting, nurturing, and positive friendships in my life that God wants me to have.”

But sometimes friends cannot be objective enough and we need…

Coaches

Bob Nardelli, former CEO of Home Depot said, “I absolutely believe that people, unless coached, never reach their maximum capabilities.” I learned this early in my tennis career. I started tennis, hired several coaches and accomplished my dream by winning the state championship in just two years. Over the years I have utilized a business coach, a money coach, a heart coach, a relationship coach, a book coach, a speaking coach, marketing coach, and the list goes on. Success usually comes faster if you pay or barter for a coach.

Along with friends and a coach you will benefit from a…

Mastermind Group

About two years ago I invited a group of diverse business owners to start a mastermind group. We have a ghostwriter, a spa owner, an Internet marketing guru, a chiropractor, and myself. We meet on a Friday morning, have coffee, and sit out outside around my pool and cabana. We have seen the ghostwriter grow his business from $5,000 a book to $50,000 per project. Personally, I have received incredible feedback and support that has made my business more successful. A mastermind is usually no bigger than 5-7 people. Each group is unique and determines if they want a structured format or a more spontaneous free flow. The consistency of meeting every other week and the accountability are the keys for success.

Remember to stick with your strengths and delegate to…

Assistants

Hiring an administrative assistant has been one of the best decisions I’ve made in the past year. I researched virtual assistants but decided to go with a local person that I can meet with face-to-face. In the past, I tended to procrastinate on projects. Now I delegate projects and they are usually accomplished within a week. Ask around your community, send out resumes and find that faithful person that can become your Tonto.

Coaching points:

  1. Write a list of people you want and need on your dream team.
  2. Have an initial brainstorm meeting and quarterly meeting with your dream team.

Brent O’Bannon creates momentum for outrageous success. He is known as America’s Momentum Coach for individuals, couples in business, and companies. For more information go to www.brentobannon.com and www.marriedtoyourboss.com.

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