Posts

Our top 5 signature strengths are like a SAIL that create momentum in life and business.

S: Success

A: Authentic

I: Invigorating

L: Love

S: Success

Ask yourself what successes have you had in your past or present life–any prizes or awards that you have been given are indicators of strengths? Maybe you won the science project in 7th grade, which could point to an analytical or ideation strength. What about winning homecoming queen or voted most popular in school? These could indicate WOO (winning others over).

But a history of success is not the only marker of success.

A: Authentic

What comes naturally to you, or, what is your authentic gut reaction?

One of my golfing buddies loves to drive the golf cart. I’m amazed by how easily he finds shortcuts around the golf course. He has a strategic strength. That strength helps in his golf game as well as running his home health care business.

I: Invigorating

When utilizing your strength, you will feel energized. If you are good at something but still feel drained doing it then it’s not a true strength. One CEO I coach says, “If people lined up at my door all day long to help them fix their problems, I would be in heaven.” But people with the maximizer strength would likely hate that job. Maximizers get an emotional charge making something already good into something great.

Determine what activities drain you and what activities make you feel invigorated.

L: Love

If you look forward to an activity or want to learn more about an activity then it is likely a strength. Tennis, coaching, and speaking are three activities I love. I get excited when I’m scheduled to do these activities. I’m constantly reading, watching, and learning how to do these activities even better. These three activities allow me to use my top 5 signature strengths–focus on the ball, my coaching clients priorities goals and priorities, and the topic in my keynote.

Individualization is the ability to come up with a unique strategy with my tennis opponent, my coaching client, and speaking audience, whether its made up of corporate clients, business owners, church group, or youth campers. My achiever and competition strengths help me work hard to achieve goals and win as well as help my clients to win in life and business. My command strength enables me to to take charge on the court, help my coaching clients face conflicts, and be charismatic when speaking to a large audience.

A great tool besides the Strengths Finder 2.0 assessment to discover your character strengths is the free online assessment at www.viasurvey.org. Or you can list your top 5 activities that answer the SAIL concept.

34309xxowoiuc1tWhat habits do you have in your love relationship?

Couples can easily fall into unconscious routines of not looking, not touching, and not connecting. Slowly, the love relationship goes comatose.

or…

Couples can effortlessly open their eyes and wake up out of their slumber to create “Blink” behaviors.

In his book Blink, Malcolm Gladwell describes these behaviors as quick unconscious habits that happen in a blink of an eye.

Here are 7 habits of happy couples that can be done naturally in the blink of an eye:

1. Gaze at each other.

If you want your partner to catch your eye then practice gazing. New parents bond with their infants by gazing into each others’ eyes. Our soul is filled with wonder when we watch a sunset or admire a spectacular mountain view. Couples quickly create the feeling of being seen and admired when we lovingly gaze into each others’ eyes.

2. Give 10 second hugs and kisses.

It’s good that you give that quick 2 second hug and peck before you walk out the door. But you get more bang as a couple if you linger for just 8 more seconds on that hug and kiss. Really, don’t tell me you don’t have time for a 10 second hug and kiss. You have about 86,000 seconds in a day make it a habit as a couple every time you hug or kiss just linger for 10 seconds. It’s fun!

3. Walk side by side and hand in hand.

Guys and gals, notice how you walk with your partner. Are you walking so fast that you’re way ahead or so slow that you’re miles behind? Make it a habit to walk side by side and hand in hand from the parking lot to the kids’ game, the restaurant, or into church.

4. Go to bed at the same time.

Many couples fall into habits of going to bed at different times. I realize we all have different sleep routines and personalities. But remember when you were first married? You couldn’t wait to jump into the bed together. The bed was a safe place to unwind and connect. It can still be a great place for snuggling, spooning, and pillow talk.

5. Eat a sit down meal with music.

One of my favorite times to connect with my wife is when we eat at the dinner table with candles, a bottle of wine, and a little music. Not TV and no TV trays sitting in the living room. There is a time and place for eating and watching TV but make it a habit to have weekly sit down dinners with your partner. This creates more meaningful communication.

6. Share good news.

When something good happens in your day create the habit of sharing it with your spouse. We all hear bad news so much that we crave to hear about the positive experiences, the success stories, or the big wins.

8. Say “My bad.”

When each of you make a mistake, make it a habit to quickly say, “My bad.” This is a habit I have on the tennis court when I’m playing doubles. It is my way of taking responsibility and saying I’ll do better next time. Rather than being defensive with your partner, make it a effortless habit of promptly admitting your wrong. It is so refreshing when couples don’t argue but rather say, “My bad!”

Coaching points:

  1. What habits are you strong in and which ones do you need to improve?
  2. What other blink of the eye habits do you use to make your relationship happy?

Brent O’Bannon creates momentum for outrageous success. He is known as America’s Momentum Coach for individuals, couples in business, and companies. For more information go to www.brentobannon.com and www.marriedtoyourboss.com.

Image: photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

You can feel it. You can see it. You know when momentum shifts in the middle of a football game, when your business starts to jive, or when your marriage feels alive.

How do you create winning momentum in everyday life?

1. Momentum starts with writing goals.

Goals are dreams in black and white but they are merely wishes if not written down. They will fade and you will forget them if you don’t record them. Notice how when you want an important item at the grocery store, you don’t leave it to chance or memory–you write it down.

On this year’s grocery list for life, what do you want to be? What do you want to have? What do you want to do?

2. Momentum increases by reviewing goals.

Charles Coonradt says in his book, The Game of Work, “Written goals that are reviewed regularly become reality.” If you’re like me, you’ve got your grocery list in your hand and look at it constantly while you’re walking up and down the grocery aisle. When it comes to the grocery store of life, my habit is to have an hour of power first thing in the morning. I read and listen to my success script, strength affirmations, review my business plan, and my 90 day goals.During the day when I feel stuck or lost and losing momentum, I pull out my “grocery list” and review my goals. The more you review your goals, the greater momentum you produce.

3. Momentum produces massive action.

When a jet increases enough speed and momentum, it takes off into the wild blue yonder. It is in flight to it’s destination. When you’re at the grocery store and you find the item on your list, you pick it up, put into the cart, and buy it. That’s massive action. You cross a line through it. Done! What about your goal to double your income, take a dream vacation, or hire a life coach? Creating winning momentum requires writing your goals, reviewing your goals daily, and then taking massive action on your goals. It’s that simple.

So why don’t we do it?

Most of us lose focus. We need someone who reminds us of our goals and holds us accountable to take massive action.

That’s what I love to do for you…

Let’s face it, sometimes people wig out.

It could be your teenager, your spouse, or possibly a team member you’re supervising. They can’t handle the no or the not so good news you had to spring on them. They have an emotional meltdown, ranting and spewing all the negatives of the situation.

While teaching a stress management workshop recently, one of the members came up with a brilliant strategy to handle people’s negativity and I think it will work with just about anyone.

1. Validate the person’s feelings

Go ahead and give them permission to feel angry, disgruntled, emotional or negative. If you argue with them about their feelings, you only make the feelings hotter.

2. Give a time limit to expressing negativity

Set a 15 minute time frame for spewing all their negative hostility. After 15 minutes, time for negativity is up. Set that clear boundary.

3. Give the positive behavior you want now

Whatever behavior or situation they’re angry about, give clear direction on what you expect. Share the positive behavior you want and then model it.

If you’re doing these three things, you’re killing marriage momentum and increasing odds for divorce.

What are they and what can you do about them?

1. Spewing

Reckless words and nagging criticism that spew out of your mouth to your spouse can feel like stabbing them with a knife and hitting them on the head with a hammer. You say, “I didn’t mean it, I just said those words in anger.” But words pierce our soul and create wounds, hurt, anger, and eventually, hate.

Remember the boy that had an anger problem, saying hateful things all the time? His dad made him go hammer nails into the wood fence for punishment. After the boy was finished, the dad made him pull all the nails from the fence. The boy realized how destructive his words were when his dad said, “Son, that’s what mean words do. They leave holes in people.”

The solution is to learn self-control and share from the heart with tact. There are playful ways to get your point across without being sarcastic. It might be saying, “Rude” like Bon Qui Qui or “Kick me! Kick me! It would hurt less.”

2. Stuffing

Giving the silent treatment, turning a cold shoulder, or stuffing your feelings creates a cold war of indifference. This is sometimes called stonewalling and is just as deadly and destructive as spewing criticism. It’s true that holding your tongue is wise and it’s better to overlook an insult that act out but stuffing is usually a form of hurting your spouse in a passive aggressive way. Spouses who stuff thoughts and feelings need to understand they are feeding a relationship cancer with resentment, bitterness, and unforgiveness.

The danger is that you can grow apart by avoiding problems and both of you may begin to quit with an, “I don’t care attitude.” Doing nothing is the fastest way to create a divorce. The solution is to be courageous and realize that open rebuke is better than stuffing your feelings. Learning to give and receive repair attempts is a momentum builder for outrageous love.

3. Sexless

Sex is the thermometer of a marriage. If the marriage is cold there will be very little sex. If the marriage is hot there will be more sex. I know because I’ve been on both spectrums in 26 years of marriage. Women and men both want hot monogamy and making love even when you don’t want to will make your spouse worship the water you walk on.

Remember sex is more than intercourse. It’s frequent touching, tender words, playful banter, lustful looks, deep eye contact, slow foreplay and bursts of flirting. The solution is to keep the sex cooking. Why not have an emotional and physical affair with your spouse?

If fat furry caterpillars can learn to fly then you and I can achieve our dreams. But how?

12017e4rsji699q

 

Caterpillars have about 4,000 muscles compared to 629 in humans. The average caterpillar has 248 muscles in the head segment alone. They move by sliding their internal organs forward using contraction of the muscles like a slinky. They move forward and eventually morph into a beautiful moth or butterfly by literally following their “guts.”

How do you and I create momentum to turn from a pest or fat furry caterpillar into a beautiful free-flying creature achieving our dreams?

Simply follow your guts.

Most of us are desperately trying to be someone we’re not. It’s a myth to believe a caterpillar, you, I, or anybody can be anything we want to be. I used to believe this but not anymore. I believe we can be MORE of who we already ARE.

So what are your strengths? What is your hard wiring? Do you have words to describe your guts or signature strengths? Have you designed your professional and personal life around your strengths or are you trying to be someone you’re not? Part of my mission is to help you get clarity on your strengths. To help you communicate your strengths and design your life around your strengths. To sell your self using your strengths.

Brenda Orgel called me with excitement when she got a new job promotion after I coached her to discover and communicate her top five strengths. Your signature strengths are your guts. It’s time for you to move forward simply following your strengths.

Brent O’Bannon creates momentum for outrageous success. He is known as America’s Momentum Coach for individuals, couples in business, and companies. For more information go to www.brentobannon.com and www.marriedtoyourboss.com.

Image: m_bartosch / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

There are three kinds of people reading this blog: people with no dreams, people with little dreams, and people with BIG dreams. If you’re ready to dream big, here is #2 of my 8 success strategies.

Discover what you want.
Release your struggles and strengths.

32984rawhdfk4uuHave you ever tried to drive a car while accidentally leaving your emergency brake on?

You intuitively know something is not right and your forward momentum is hindered. That is exactly what happens when we do not let go of our struggles. We don’t need to push down harder on the gas pedal to go forward until we have totally released the brake.

I coached several people recently  who are stuck and unable to go forward because of fear, guilt, shame, doubt and ANTs (automatic negative thoughts.) How do you release your struggles? We will need to talk one-on-one to go into this topic deeply, but for sake of brevity, let me tell you–the secret is to “release your strengths.”

Do you know your strengths?

Your strengths are your natural talents, experiences, and skills mixed together. They are the rocket fuel to propel your life success faster and farther away from your struggles.

I highly recommend buying the Strengths Finder 2.0 book and using the code to take the strengths finder assessment. You will discover your top five strengths along with action items to achieve personal success.

Coaching points:

  1. What past or present struggles do you need to release?
  2. What strengths do you need to release into your life?
  3. Do you focus more on your struggles or strengths?

Brent O’Bannon creates momentum for outrageous success. He is known as America’s Momentum Coach for individuals, couples in business, and companies. For more information go to www.brentobannon.com and www.marriedtoyourboss.com.